


Pesterchum Cuteness

by duckymcauthor



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-03-11 00:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3309068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckymcauthor/pseuds/duckymcauthor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some cute pesterchum conversations between the Homestuck characters that are from roleplays I participate in on msparp.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Almost Cannon Johnkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johnkat is almost cannon and John worries about Karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John: Me  
> Karkat: ?

carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~  
ectoBiologist [EB] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~  
CG: HELLO FUCKASS  
EB: oh hey karkat!  
CG: TO WHAT DO I OWE THE DISPLEASURE OF THIS CONVERSATION  
EB: i just wanted to talk to my best buddy karkat!  
CG: WELL I MUST GO FUND GAMZEE AND KEEP HIM FROM CULLING ANYONE ELSE  
CG: FUCK  
EB: oh geez what's happening?  
CG: I MEEN FIND  
CG: HE HAS GONE HIVESHIT CRAZY AND NOW IS ON A RAMPAGE ALONG WITH ERIDAN  
EB: that sounds pretty shitty. i wish i could help!  
CG: FUCK... I HERE HONKING. I... I GOT TO GO. TEREZI ISN'T EVEN RESPONDING  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] disconnected.  
EB: please don't die karkat :/  
EB: <3


	2. Actually Cannon Johnkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johnkat becomes cannon and Karkat is having issues with Gamzee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John: Me  
> Karkat: ?

ectoBiologist [EB] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~  
EB: hiya karkat!  
CG: HELLO FUCKASS  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT  
EB: well i want to ask you something  
EB: its kinda important!  
CG: WELL...  
CG: ASK THE FUCK AWAY  
EB: well, jade has been telling me some things and she thinks you like me or something so i can't help being curious... do you?  
CG: ...  
EB: ?  
CG: I CANT ANSWER THAT  
EB: why not?  
CG: CAUSE I JUST FUCKING CANT  
EB: oh... i see  
CG: OK. YOU KNOW WHAT. ANSWER YOUR OWN QUESTION FIRST  
EB: wh-what?  
CG: ANSWER YOUR OWN GODDAMN QUESTION FIRST  
EB: i um well.. yes?  
CG: WELL THEN... I GUESS I LIKE YOU TOO  
EB: really? wow jade was right!  
CG: SURE DOES FUCKING LOOK THAT DOESN'T IT  
EB: haha wow i wasn't really expecting this! i kind of thought you were just going to yell at me or tell me to fuck off or something! but you actually really like me. this is pretty exciting!  
CG: SO WHAT WAS THE PURPOSE IN ASKING THIS?  
EB: i... well... kind of wanted to know if you want to be my boyfriend..?  
CG: UMMM...  
CG: WELL.SURE I GUESS  
EB: i can't believe this is actually happening! :D  
CG: WELL I GOTTA GO BEFORE GAMZEE CULLS ANYONE ELSE. HE HAS OFFICIALLY GONE HIVESHIT CRAZY  
EB: oh okay. stay safe! don't die!  
EB: ..i love you  
CG: I...  
CG: I LOVE YOU TOO  
CG: <3  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] disconnected.


	3. Karkat's Kismefish (Johnkat)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John pushes Karkat's buttons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John: Me  
> Karkat: ?

ectoBiologist [EB] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~  
EB: hi karkat!  
CG: OH, UH, HEY JOHN.  
EB: how has my best alien buddy been?  
CG: YOUR BEST ALIEN BUDDY?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK TYPE OF NICKNAME IS THAT.  
EB: a nickname i just gave you apparently  
EB: youre welcome  
CG: YEAH, DON'T SAY IT AGAIN.  
EB: alrighty best alien buddy :D  
CG: I'D RATHER BE CALLED KARKLES ON COUNTLESS OCCASIONS BY NONE OTHER THAN COOL GUY MCGEE, YOU FUCKFACE, STOP CALLING ME THAT.  
EB: aww cmon karkat it isnt thaaat bad  
CG: IT'S HORRIBLE?  
CG: JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FUCKING ALIEN AS A FRIEND DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN NICKNAME THEM, DO I NICKNAME YOU, JOHN?  
EB: i mean i could have called you worse  
EB: kit kat  
CG: FUCK OFF.  
EB: nah  
EB: messing with you is fun  
CG: SO? JUST BECAUSE IT'S FUN DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD FUCKING DO IT.  
CG: I THOUGHT HUMAN SCHOOLS HAD CAMPAIGNS AGAINST BULLYING, JOHN.  
CG: YOU'RE LETTING YOUR HUMAN SCHOOL DOWN.  
EB: it's not bullying! it's just friendly friend stuff you do when you're friends with someone. gosh.  
CG: SOUNDS LIKE BULLYING.  
EB: isn't bullying like the same thing as ahh... what's that one quadrant called?  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: WHAT QUADRANT?  
EB: like the quadrant where they really hate each other  
CG: KISMESIS?  
CG: ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT WE ARE KISMESIS'S?  
EB: yeah that!  
EB: wait what  
CG: BECAUSE NO.  
EB: i'm not a homosexual karkat...  
CG: WE ARE NOT GOING THROUGH THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN.  
EB: i'm just saying! besides, i don't even know how to feel about the whole quadrants thing even if i were a homosexual  
CG: WHO CARES.  
EB: you  
CG: HA, NO. ME? CARING? FUCKING DOUBT IT. I GIVE LESS FUCKS THAN YOU GIVE ABOUT THOSE STUPID CLOWN THINGS.  
EB: i think that's impossible  
EB: but really like  
EB: you're the one who had a kismefish crush on me in the first place  
CG: FOR LIKE.  
CG: A DAY.  
EB: okay fine i guess.  
EB: but it still happened!  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] disconnected.


	4. Depressed Karkat (Johnkat)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat is severely depressed and John is oblivious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John: Me  
> Karkat: ?

depressed! carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~  
ectoBiologist [EB] joined chat. ~~ 2 ~~  
CG: hey john  
EB: hey karkat!  
CG: how are you  
EB: pretty great! how are you?  
CG: same as always i guess..  
EB: is everything okay?  
CG: ..it depends what your definition of ok is  
EB: what would your definition of ok be?  
CG: ..not how i am now  
EB: i want to help you karkat. how can i help?  
CG: it's not that simple john..  
EB: i wish it were. you have been acting so different lately and.. you're just not yourself. i want to fix it. i want you to be ok.  
CG: ..why do you care? no one else does  
EB: you're my.. friend. how could i not care?  
CG: if i am then why did you hesitate when you said friend  
EB: because i didn't really know if friend was the word i wanted to use. you're so much more to me than a friend. it's hard to explain. you just mean a lot to me, okay?  
CG: how? how can i mean alot to you? i'm a horrible leader, im a fuck up, i can't do anything right, i piss everyone off and push them away when i try not to. i'm just a huge waste of space  
EB: but you aren't karkat! i wish i could make you see how amazingly perfect you are. i wish you could see yourself through my eyes.  
CG: *scoffs* john i'm not perfect. i'm far from it  
CG: and if i saw myself i would just see a mistake  
EB: *sighs* no matter how much you try to deny it, nothing will make me stop seeing your perfection  
CG: there's nothing about me that's even close to perfection. anyways why do you even care so much  
EB: everything about you is perfect. and i care because.. well, i don't know. like i said, you mean a lot to me. i just want you to be able to be yourself again.  
CG: i hate to break it to you, but it's probably gonna be a while before that happens  
EB: not if i can help it  
CG: there's not much you can do  
EB: well tell me what i can do  
CG: ...*mumbles something under my breath*  
CG: ((johnkat?))  
EB: ((yesss))  
EB: what did you say?  
CG: *looks down* nothing..  
EB: no, please tell me karkat  
CG: no, it's not like you ever would anyways  
EB: like i ever would what?  
CG: n-nothing, just...forget i said anything  
EB: *sighs* fine, you don't have to tell me. but if you don't tell me, i can't help you.  
CG: *looks away* i can't tell you...i'm not going to risk anything  
EB: risk what? you could literally say anything in the world and i wouldn't get mad or upset or anything. just say it. i promise it'll be fine.  
CG: *shakes my head* this is different  
EB: please karkat? i don't know what you're hiding. it seems like a pretty big deal i guess. but please, you can trust me.  
CG: *i clench my fists, looking up at you* i fucking love you ok! i motherfucking love you egbert! and i know you don't feel the gog damn same way, and that's why i didn't fucking tell you! ARGH!! i probably just fucked everything up, go ahead and leave and never talk to me again, you would just be one of others! *i run into my room and lock the door before you could even say anything*  
EB: *i stare in shock for a few moments before running to your room and banging on the door* karkat open the door please  
CG: no! go the fuck away!  
EB: please karkat! i-i need to say something!  
CG: ((i'm just going to ask you now if your ok with self harm stuff, because i know alot of people arnt. it's petfectly ok if you don't want to)) yeah yeah i know, you hate me! just let me wallow in my own self fucking pity alone!  
EB: ((im okay with it)) no karkat stop it! i don't hate you!  
CG: *i threw a book at the door* don't fucking lie to me egbert!  
EB: *i jump back slightly* i'm not lying! i promise!  
CG: *i wipe at my eyes, relizing i was crying. i dig around under my bed, finding a blade and pressing it to my arm* just leave me alone!  
EB: let me in for one minute! just one minute and i promise i'll leave you alone if you r-really want me to...  
CG: *sniffles, continuing to make deep cuts on my arm* ...  
CG: e-even if i wanted to let you in i couldn't now..  
EB: why? karkat what are you doing in there?! *i keep trying to get the door open*  
CG: *i lean against the wall, sliding down it* things you probably wouldn't like..  
EB: oh god karkat.. please tell me you aren't hurt. p-please tell me you d-didn't.. *i slump against the door, feeling tears start to stream down my cheeks* karkat open this door now or ill break it down  
CG: i can't..  
EB: *i repeatedly attempt to kick and punch the door down*  
CG: *i push myself into a corner, leaning my head back against the wall becoming light headed*  
EB: *i finally get the door down, my hands bleeding and bruised from the effort* oh god karkat *i rush over to you, collapsing on top of you and clinging to your chest*  
CG: j-john...  
CG: your bleeding..  
EB: that doesn't matter. you're bleeding a lot worse. *i start trembling, holding you tighter* you can't leave me karkat  
CG: i...im sorry john  
EB: no stop it. you're going to be okay. everything is going to be okay. *my crying turns into sobbing* you'll be alright. we're going to get through this and be happy and e-everything will b-be okay  
CG: *tears roll down my cheek* john..  
EB: karkat i love you too! i fucking love you too! that's what i had to tell you  
CG: *my eyes widen* y-you love me?  
EB: of course i do! why would i have ran after you to tell you that if i didn't mean it?  
CG: i, i don't know  
EB: *i take your hand, pulling your arm close to my face to examine it* k-karkat...  
CG: ...yes?  
EB: i'm sorry  
CG: for what?  
EB: you hurt yourself.. because of me...  
CG: *i shake my head* john, look at me  
EB: *i look away further, sniffling*  
CG: *with my free hand i gently lift your face up so you have to look at me* this isn't your fault. this happened because i was being fucking stupid and wouldn't listen for a minute  
EB: no i.. should have told you how i felt sooner.... *i look into your eyes for a moment before leaning forward and kissing you*  
CG: *i kiss you back, moving my hand to the back of your neck*  
EB: *i wrap my arms around you tightly, kissing for a bit longer* i love you so much  
CG: i love you too *i let my head fall to your shoulder* .....hey john?  
EB: yes?  
CG: ...can you get the bandages from the bathroom?  
EB: yes of course *i jump up and run to the bathroom to get the bandages*  
depressed! carcinoGeneticist's connection timed out. Please don't quit straight away; they could be back.  
depressed! carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined chat. ~~ 1 ~~  
CG: *i sigh, looking down at my arms, waiting for you to come back*  
EB: *i come back with the bandages as quickly as i can* okay i got them  
CG: thanks, i can bandage them  
EB: i can help if you want.. *i hold your hand tightly, wincing at the contact with my bloody and bruised hand*  
CG: *i frown, getting my hand out of your grasp and examine your hand being careful not to hurt you* i'm sorry this happened...  
CG: i'm so sorry john  
EB: i-it's fine. it's not your fault. it was probably pretty stupid of me to punch a door.  
CG: i don't care, this is all my fault *i sigh and look up at you* im so fucking sorry john  
EB: no karkat. please don't blame yourself. *i kiss your cheek lightly* it isn't your fault, i promise  
CG: but it is my fault. i locked myself in my room. i wouldn't listen to you. i cut myself. all of this is my fault.  
EB: but it's beccause i didn't tell you how i felt soon enough, i-i didn't respond quick enough. blame me, not yourself  
CG: i didn't give you time to respond! how can i blame you?!  
EB: id rather have you blame me than yourself. i can't stand seeing you beat yourself up about it.  
CG: *sighs* i'm going to keep blaming myself and you know that  
CG: it's not like this is the first time anyways  
EB: oh karkat *i hug you* i cant let it happen again. i wont. i want you to be happy.  
EB: how can i make you happy?  
CG: just being with you makes me happy  
EB: really? you mean that?  
CG: if i didn't mean it why would i say it  
EB: *i grin* then it's settled!  
CG: what's settled  
EB: i'll just never leave your side. then you can be happy!  
CG: j-john what about when i have to go to the bathroom. or take a shower?  
EB: i'll just close my eyes *i giggle*  
CG: hm, ok. now can i wrap my arm  
EB: yes, go ahead  
CG: *i start wrapping my arm with the bandages, biting the extra off with my fangs*  
EB: your teeth are uh.. pretty sharp  
CG: *sighs* yeah  
EB: i was going to confiscate all your blades but uh.. have you... used your teeth? ..oh gosh... i cant really take those.  
CG: no, but if i was that desperate i probably could  
EB: well, lets not allow you to get that desperate then, okay? i'm still taking the rest of the blades though..  
CG: i guess i should have expected that  
EB: you won't need them anymore. i'll be here to make you happy, remember? *i smile slightly*  
CG: yeah *hugs you*  
EB: *hugs you back*


End file.
